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Identity: Horse chestnuts.

History: Brought into the UK 409 years ago.

Look: The outdoor world's collectible doll.

No, I don’t think that’s right. Absolutely. Go and watch a social media video of someone unboxing a conker, and you’ll almost certainly hear them refer to it as “the earth's Labubu”.

Unboxing conkers? What on Earth are you talking about? Oh wow, you are definitely out of the loop, aren’t you? Young people are using social platforms to record videos removing conkers from their spiky capsules.

What's the reason? Because of the sense of wonder! When you unbox a conker, you never know what you’re going to get. Will it be big? Might it be flattened? How shiny will it be? It is similar to a surprise package every time!

Are Labubus big and flat and shiny? No, they’re vaguely hellish-looking dolls that have become collectible because they also come in mystery boxes.

Can someone please tell gen Z that they are doing conkers wrong? Is that so? How do you play with horse chestnuts, then?

You put a shoelace through the middle of them, and try to break others' nuts. Wow, really? That’s unusual.

Yes. You’ll have a much better chance of winning if you soak the conker in vinegar overnight and then heat it in the oven. You're not joking?

Seriously. And if you end up collecting too many conkers, you can toss them in the schoolyard and all the other kids will fight each other for them. A beautiful, natural thing like a conker, and you use it as a weapon? A weapon that comes with a lengthy list of complex and confusing guidelines?

It’s traditional! The King recently awarded the World Conker Championships with three hundred horse chestnuts! At least young people are just recording videos.

How are you unaware of this? At a guess, because some schools started banning conkers two decades ago, due to concerns over well-being.

The modern world never fails to amaze me. Maybe revealing horse chestnuts just doesn't appeal to you. In which case, perhaps you would be better suited to some other popular gen Z trends.

Is that so? Like what? Well, there’s this thing called yarn work, and something else called pottery that I can describe for you.

We’ve had knitting and pottery for centuries! Let me guess, you boil the needles in cider and then use them to jab one another?

No! OK, calm down. I thought all older generation's pastimes involved violence in some form, after that horse chestnut game.

I feel stressed. Take a breath. If you need me, I’ll be opening plant seeds online.

Appropriate comment: “TikTok can’t stop filming conker reveals.”

Don’t say: “That's crazy.”